“In the time that Mum was there, it wasn’t a carer and patient relationship, we could just be mother and daughter.”

At Isabel Hospice, our teams support patients and families through some of their most difficult moments, helping to replace fear with comfort, dignity and reassurance.

For Aniko, who had been managing her mum Margaret’s dementia and lung cancer alone, Isabel Hospice offered not only expert support but a space for them to simply be mother and daughter again. During her stay, Aniko felt the relief of knowing her mum was safe, comfortable and cared for and Margaret even celebrated her 89th birthday surrounded by the Isabel Team.

Born in Hungary in 1936, Margaret grew up the youngest of five children in a family that faced hardship, shaping the compassion she showed throughout her life. After moving to the UK in 1967 and meeting the husband with whom she shared five decades, she poured her heart into her family, always making sure everyone around her was cared for. Aniko said “You could not go around there without being stuffed! She absolutely adored her garden and her flowers and she loves animals.”

But in her later years, Margaret’s health began to decline, and she was diagnosed with dementia, then later, lung cancer. It was at this point that Isabel Hospice became part of their lives – a moment that Aniko describes as unexpectedly transformative.

Aniko said “When my mum first went to the Inpatient Unit (IPU), I sat and sobbed at the reception thinking ‘This is it. Mum’s not coming home.’ But by the time I left at the end of that first day, I sat in my car and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.”

Margaret was able to return after her stay in the IPU, that allowed her symptoms to be managed effectively.  Isabel continued to support Aniko is looking after her mum at home, she said “I don’t have brothers and sisters; I don’t have a support network. I was completely on my own caring for my mum, and the nurses at Isabel knew exactly how I felt. They made sure that I was constantly being told what was going on. Even if it was the middle of the night, they would advise me on what to do or who to call, and it helped me feel a lot better about the situation.”

Whilst at the IPU, Aniko shared how much the care meant both to her mum and herself. She said “It was such a relief that she’d been taken in, made to feel comfortable, and to have her pain managed. Suddenly I wasn’t responsible for everything. Until that point, I was just in overdrive. We’d forgotten our relationship. So, in the time that Mum was there, it wasn’t a carer and patient relationship, we could just be mother and daughter.”

“I started off visiting every day, then every other day during the week, and then weekends. Sometimes when I’d come in, she would have found her way into the reception area, sitting with the staff, or watering the plants. Mum was naturally quite reserved, but she loved all the team in there and would sit and talk with them. The whole team was brilliant. The doctors made sure to come around regularly, and the care was very reassuring.”

During this time, Aniko’s son James visited Margaret every day alongside her, sharing those moments with his grandmother, who he is very close to. Aniko’s other son, Chris, also visited whenever he was able to, as did her stepbrother Mark.

One of the most special moments during Margaret’s stay was her 89th birthday, which the Isabel Hospice team came together to celebrate. Aniko shared “It was just wonderful. Her whole room was decorated with balloons, there were cards all over her walls, and she even had a birthday cake. It was just something I’ve not experienced before. It was such a wonderful day for her. Someone even brought their dog in and Mum absolutely loved it. She loves children and dogs, and it made it so special for her.”

For Aniko, it was these unique moments and detail in the day-to-day care that made the biggest difference, she said “Mum had her dignity, and that was so important. The team made sure that she was clean, and that she got dressed every day. They did her hair, her face cream, and body lotion. She loved her bed, her room and had her own bathroom. Mum loved the staff and the surroundings; she was very comfortable.

“I knew she was safe and that was so reassuring. It was like a big weight had been lifted. I hadn’t slept properly in so long, but after leaving her that first day, I slept.

“Everyone cared. The kitchen staff would pop in and speak to Mum. Even the cleaners all seemed to know her. Everyone was so nice, making sure she had whatever she needed. There are a lot of special people there. They’re like angels.”

Reflecting on how she would describe hospice care to others, Aniko said “I would say just not to be scared. People associate hospice with the end, but it’s not always about that. It’s different for different people, but it’s about taking care of the person, and it gives carers the opportunity to just be a loved one again.”