“12 hours at Isabel Hospice changed my family’s life”
My name is Debbie, and I first met my husband, Rob, in 1979, after the Daily Mirror ran an advert for pen friends for soldiers overseas. On a bet with my friend, I sent in my letter and then forgot about it. I never expected a life-long love story to arrive in the post!
After exchanging letters for months, Rob came to meet me outside the hospital I was working in – and from that moment on we went everywhere together. We married in 1982 and shared a lifetime of happiness, centred always on our children and grandchildren.
Rob was a man who dedicated his life to the service, first in the army and then in the police force. Rob was a stoic, family-man who only left the military because he couldn’t bear to be away from home after our son was born. He was disciplined and particular about how things were done, but first and foremost he was a loving husband, a devoted dad and, later, the most wonderful grandpa.
Our world came crashing down in 2019 when, just two months before his retirement, Rob was diagnosed with pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer. He fought it with his trademark quiet strength, never complaining, but by mid-2022, even for Rob the pain became impossible to hide. When his blood sugar levels dropped dangerously low, we were advised to take him to hospital to help stabilise them – but he never came home.
Those three weeks he spent in hospital were incredibly hard. Rob was uncomfortable, distressed, and desperate for peace. He just kept saying, “I’ve got to get out of here.” It broke my heart to see him so restless.
When he told a palliative care nurse that he felt he was nearing the end, I knew that I couldn’t let him spend his final days in that environment. I was determined to bring him home. However, my children gently reminded me that if I did, I might spend our final hours as his carer rather than his wife.
When I asked Rob where he wanted to be, he simply said, “I just want some peace and quiet, and to be with you.” Luckily the palliative care nurse was still on the hospital ward and we asked for her help.
Within two hours of that conversation, we arrived at the Isabel Hospice Inpatient Unit, where a bed was waiting for Rob.
The support didn’t end there. Isabel Hospice provided bereavement support for myself and my daughter for months. Even when grief hit me like a wave again six months after my support sessions ended, they welcomed me back with open arms for further counselling.
That’s why attending the Isabel Hospice Celebration of Life service last summer meant so much. You often feel like no one could possibly understand your pain, but at the service, you see others of all ages going through the exact same thing and you realise you aren’t alone.
During the service, we dedicated an In-Memory Rose to Rob. Watching my grandchildren place that rose on the memorial arch was so moving; it’s a tangible way for them to stay connected to their “Pa-pa”.
I encourage anyone who has lost someone to support Isabel Hospice by dedicating a rose to their loved one or attending the Celebration of Life service. It helps you feel connected again — not just to your loved one, but to a wider family who understand what your loss feels like.
Our memories of Rob’s final hours would be so different if it hadn’t been for Isabel Hospice, and we will never, ever forget that, so we do whatever we can to support them. At a time when hospices are struggling for funding and services are being forced to close, every donation helps to provide that same “hug” we received to another local family in need.
Rob would be so pleased to know that donations in his memory are helping to provide care to other families. In life, he was always trying to find ways to help others be better off, and the fact that, now, some good is coming of what happened to him – it’s sort of like he is still here doing that.
Find out more about Celebration of Life 2026 and about making a dedication here.
