Turning grief into guidance, Maria Vaciago was inspired to write a children’s book about bereavement, following Isabel Hospice’s compassionate care for her father and subsequent support to her family.

Maria first contacted Isabel Hospice in the hope of finding home-based care for her father, following his diagnosis of Acute Myeloid Leukemia in September 2018. Having lived in his home for 50 years since migrating from Sicily to the UK, Maria knew how important it was for her father to remain in his home. She said “My parents worked very hard all their lives to be able to own their own house, so I knew my dad wanted to be there for as long as possible.”

Following his referral to Isabel Hospice, Domenico, was able to receive care in his home from the Clinical Specialists from the Community Palliative Care team.

Maria said “I remember meeting Christine McDonald for the first time, and she was amazing from the off. We felt much more relaxed because we had no clue what we were doing. It was like somebody had given us a massive hug that we’d relaxed into, which was an amazing feeling.”

“A couple of days before my dad passed away, we were absolutely frantic, we didn’t know what we were doing and we kept saying to Christine, ‘We don’t understand, his time is limited, why doesn’t he want to get up or look out of the window?’ She was so calm and in control , which is what put us at ease. It was almost like the voice of reason was in the house with us, which was amazing.

In the months after Domenico died Maria connected with the Family Support team at Isabel Hospice for bereavement support. She said “Tracey from the Family Support team visited my mum’s house just before Easter, armed with easter eggs. It was a seemingly small gesture that made such a big difference to my boys. She spoke to my kids, who would have been three, seven and ten at the time, and explained how their emotions and feelings were completely valid.

“She was honest and had the time to sit with them and to speak to them and put their fears to rest and give them an alternate way to think about it. That was amazing and I think my children would be quite different today if it had not been for that session. She helped them process their grief, so they weren’t stuck and so that they could move on. I’m forever grateful to her.”

“My boys started to focus on the positives rather than on what they’d lost and looked at what they had gained from having their grandad in their lives as opposed to losing him. It really helped them process it. Following this experience, Maria was inspired to write her book ‘Big Little Voice Dries My Tears’. She said “after my dad died, my sons were asking me so many questions that I didn’t have the answer to because I’d never experienced such a loss. I wanted to put the experience into words and have something that my kids could go to whenever they were feeling sad.”

Maria, who publishes under her author name ‘MG Vaciago’ is an accomplished author with five published books and wanted this one to focus on the specific loss of a grandfather figure. Addressing the confusion that children experience when dealing with bereavement, Maria equipped the book to answer the questions her own children had asked when processing their grief.

The book featured multiple personal touches to pay homage to her father and the way in which their family remember him; he was even illustrated in the book. Maria said “I think it’s very important to keep somebody’s memory alive, so we put together a chest and everyone collected something that reminded them of my dad, and it really brought my kids so much joy.

“It’s those kinds of things that seem insignificant at the time, like photos, postcards or souvenirs, that become the things that pull you through your grief when you need something to hang onto. It’s about retelling stories and focusing on the positives, because those experiences can never be taken away from you.”

Later in the year, upon meeting Isabel Hospice’s President Barbara Doherty at the charity’s pantomime event, Maria shared with her that she was writing a book following her experience of the care her dad and family received. She sent her the finished book, and in turn she was able to share it with others, culminating in the retail team wanting to share the book as an educational resource to sell in Isabel Hospice shops.

Maria said “It was amazing because the book was intended to help my kids understand and process a loss and from there it filtered all the way down into the Isabel Hospice shops. I hope my words and experience can have a positive effect on other children and their families.”

Maria featured a special credit inside the book to Christine from Isabel Hospice, saying “I wanted to acknowledge her and say thank you for her compassion, for being so kind to my dad. She spoke to him with respect, had time for him and treated him like a human being.”

Reflecting on her journey, Maria stated “I hope my story will inspire other service users of Isabel Hospice and their families to utilise the children’s bereavement services. It’s such a valuable resource as the counsellors act as an intermediary to help parents speak to their children in a way that isn’t too scary.”

“I didn’t think I had the answers to my boy’s questions, so I wanted to create a book that would answer their questions and concerns. It’s just been a succession of putting everything that I’ve learned and been through into this book in the hope that it can provide comfort to somebody else.”

You can find a copy of Maria’s book Big Little Voice Dries my Tears available in all Isabel Hospice shops (excluding clearance) and find out more by visiting her website.

Isabel Hospice offers support to any child in East Hertfordshire that is affected by loss or bereavement. To find out how we can support you please call the Family Support Team on 01707 382563 or email family.support@isabelhospice.org.uk