For many, the bereavement support available to them after a relative has died is often a lifeline at what is an emotionally draining and distressing time. 

Mary Willows says the support she has received from our Family Support Team has been invaluable in helping her cope with her grief following the death of her husband, Keith Acheson. The former science teacher and ex-Paratrooper, who had pancreatic cancer, spent his final weeks being cared for in our In-Patient Unit before he died in November 2018 aged 68.   

Mary said: “I can only describe the Hospice as being halfway between Earth and Heaven. All the staff were so caring to Keith and myself, for which I will always be grateful. I know Keith was worried about me being left and was comforted to see that I was being so well looked after.” 

After Keith passed away, Mary was initially offered one-to-one bereavement counselling and, prior to the Covid-19 crisis, during which some of our face-to-face groups had to be suspended, had been attending our Wednesday bereavement coffee mornings at our Hall Grove hub in Welwyn Garden City. She was then invited to take part in a six-week pilot for a new Grief Encounters virtual coffee morning facilitated by our Bereavement Support volunteers, which was extended to run for a second course. 

“A few weeks after Keith passed away, I met with [bereavement manager] Andrea who suggested I join the Wednesday coffee group,” Mary said. “I was doubtful about going and went with trepidation but was warmly welcomed by the staff and other people who were in the same bereaved situation as I was. 

“Despite our reason for being there, the atmosphere was always cheerful and we benefited so much as we shared different experiences together. There were smiles and laughter although some weeks were bittersweet and tears flowed.” 

As well as making lifelong friends, Mary said the Hospice team have always shown great empathy and understanding, creating a space where people can speak openly and honestly about how they are feeling. She emphasised there was never any pressure to join in with any of the conversations as, for some, quietly listening is a preference. 

She said: “The compassionate staff are superb – cheerfully greeting us as they served our coffee and cake. We all felt included as they mingled and chatted with us, immediately noticing if someone was needing comfort or just to be listened to. 

“Wednesday mornings were a highlight for us all as even on a sad day we were encouraged and told ‘don’t be too hard on yourself’. I think of that phrase so often. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, as we have all found out.” 

Without the safety net of the Hospice, and the friendship of the people she has met at our groups since Keith’s death, Mary said her grief would have been more isolating and harder to cope with. 

“They are the ones who have seen us at our most vulnerable,” she said. “You can be yourself with no fear of upsetting anyone. Without Isabel, I would have survived but I wouldn’t have coped so well. It has been the most wonderful thing to lean upon – it has changed my life.”